This week, The Heart Beet reports deep within the reflections of the mirror. Mary Kent recalls an encounter with an Ice Queen, shedding light on lessons we all need to learn.
Mirror Mirror on the wall. Who's the fairest of them all? Dark Queen verses Light Queen. The most famous of all cat fights stemmed straight from the heart of the world's most beloved creator of seven dwarfs, mice who could talk, and a puppet with a long nose that kept growing until he finally told the truth. Why? Because good old Walt Disney was a genius in fictitiously capturing non-fiction archetypal patterns that exist within the psyche of every human being on this planet. We ALL have our
Miranda Priestley encounters in life, moments with those Dark Queens and Cruella de Vil ladies, who, no matter how hard we try to shield ourselves from, have the ability to steal our essence from the very core of our being, until we no longer allow such thievery. And, even more so, if we are doing something 'high voltage' (Carolyn Myss uses this terminology and I love it) for the planet, then we are bound to attract to us, someone exactly the opposite who creeps in to attempt to shatter everything we have worked so very hard to achieve! It is absolutely a part of the process of walking the path to greatness. Joseph Campbell, one of the wisest men to have walked on Earth, would call it an essential element of growth that occurs along the Hero's Journey and I believe George Lucas would most definitely agree.
There are times in life when I feel it is very important to keep your mouth closed, to allow choices to unfold, and karma to unwind. And, there are times in life when it is absolutely essential to honor yourself and to speak your truth in the hopes that such a personal experience will reflect light upon others, to help those who have been locked in the same castle, and to finally break the spell that so many of us are under! The key to such freedom is the voice of another who has journeyed through that dark tunnel and made it to the light that calls to us from the other side. Most of us know that I came in contact with I suppose what I would call an alter ego many years ago in a fancy pants Italian restaurant called Locanda Locatelli in London. I was seated across the room from a star-studded couple and their best friend, whom I once knew from Trinity College. This was a celebrity, who for years I had put on a pedestal, thought highly of, and at moments even thought 'Her life must be so much better than mine!' At the time, I remember my being in the same restaurant immediately gave me a feeling that this had to be a divine intervention and something most definitely orchestrated by the heavens. I mean I couldn't believe I had reached out to her best friend with my website idea a few months earlier and there they were sitting together a few tables down from me. Quelle arrangement! I truly believe there are no accidents in life, but what I was about to learn, which is something I didn't have a clue about, was that God was preparing to give me a spoonful of sugar to help the toxic world of showbiz go down! My dear friend Elisa Rusconi, who was my former writing partner of The Beet, giggled and we agreed that I should walk up to the table and say hello. We were eating with Bob Shrum, a political consultant, who had invited us to dinner. So, when the tiramisu was up, I figured on the way out I'd say hello and a polite goodbye. Little did I know, their hello would mean an instant goodbye!
Anyways, I mustered up the courage to walk towards the table to face my false creation and the closer I got I felt this horrible tension in my chest. As I was walking up toward this celeb there was something kind of icky and mean being directed at me from within her being. It wasn't like I had a big camera in my hands and was interrupting dinner to ask to have my picture taken with her or a huge poster that read, "I worship your music." No, it was just me, an extraordinaire from an ordinary world, coming to say hello to someone that, yes, I once knew from Trinity College. As I shielded myself from the spiritual daggers that were being hurled my way, I smiled at the sharp shooter and turned and called the name of the girl whom I knew from college. She was extremely happy to see me, as I was towards her. I was thrilled to see a known face in an unknown land and I beamed from ear to ear. Looking back, I see it was at that precise moment of happiness that the medicine of showbiz had completely kicked in! My Trinity friend introduced me to her friends, who we will call, in honor of Walt Disney, Ice Queen and Music Mastermind, who politely stood up to shake my hand. But, when I went to shake his wife's hand, the venom of the darkest emotional energy brewed to such an overflow that as our hands met, she turned her face to look the other way. I saw this color grey in her face, which seemed so different from what I had seen in the glossies. How bizarre! When I looked at her square in the face and asked, "Did y'all enjoy your dinner?", I might as well have been excommunicated far into the deep, dark woods, hidden from the light of that which I truly am. I was definitely having a Snow White moment! Ice Queen said nothing and looked down at her plate. The Music Mastermind, whose music I once loved, said nothing, only biting his nails out of sheer fear over what I now realize was an invisible battle being experienced by us all.
Having been rejected from Ice Queen's clan, which is obvious as I never heard a reply after sending The Beet to these girls I was standing in front of, I turned to my college friend, said goodbye, and walked away bursting at the seams with laughter over the entire encounter. I then started to hysterically laugh at God and myself for having ever thought such a difference between a celeb and myself, for ever desiring a life other than my own, and for ever thinking I needed a celeb to endorse my project. Sadly, the walls of Jericho's fame crumbled that day and I thank God I saw through the spell of such a scary world. I didn't just see a girl snubbing me, who I had been such a fan, I saw a normal human tormented by her own jealousy and darkness that came not from me, but from a conditioning that her world had created within her. I simply felt sorry for what had been created in Ice Queen's heart.
Sadly, that meeting was just the beginning of a plan that Ice Queen was creating, not against me, which for a bit it seemed, but for herself to keep up the charade in the fame game. For me, the darkness I felt wasn't going to stop at Locanda Locatelli, it was planning a sneak attack that would reveal itself at a later point in time. And, a year or so later it did just that! I remember reading that a similar website had been created by the Ice Queen herself. I was pretty sick at the time, so I didn't really have much inside of me to react. But, as time passed, I noticed that there was such similarity between the content of 'her newsletter' that really it was quite impressive. In the beginning, it seemed my content was lifted and taken into the realm of a celebrity's lifestyle website. The feeling I had felt so strange! Was my life so similar to her's? Am I famous? No way and I knew it. As time passed, the NY Post and a few other tabloids wrote an article and E! picked up the story. So, the truth was out and about and somehow I had gotten myself into the medicinal world of showbiz. I had sipped the exact same elixir that Ice Queen had once consumed and it was all starting to beat me down. And, like that, I was under a spell. Of course, I felt angry and hurt by such action. And, I can say it took me a long time to begin to see that this was all part of God's plan.
Truth be known, this incident shredded my heart. I couldn't see Ice Queen's action as flattery, nor could I see it as anything other than dark. I felt stolen from, dishonored, and completely ripped off. The content was just too similar. My heart was so hurt, not only from how I was treated at the restaurant, but now how I was being copied. I never planned to sue her like the papers said, I was more concerned with how I was going to get these emotions that Ice Queen's nerve had shoved upon me. Why was this all happening to me? What had I done wrong to deserve this? These 'Why Me's' were the perfect questions I needed to hear. And, that's exactly when I started seeing the light. I kind of saw the gates of heaven opening within myself when I searched deep to seriously put an answer to this self-created pain. The cold hard truth was Ice Queen wasn't doing anything to me. I was doing this all to myself. I was creating all of this unhappiness within myself based on a linear way of dark thinking, or what I'd call Ice Queen thinking. Of course, it appeared that I was being copied, but, truthfully, I had no concept of her true intentions or motives behind this website. That is something I now see as sacred, held between her and what created her motives in the first place. There is enough room for all of us on Earth to write about the things we love! What I had to make room for was a space for 'high voltage' forgiveness, something that no Ice Queen could ever take away!
When I started to ask God for forgiveness for seeing Ice Queen's actions as dark and for having any anger or hurt feelings towards her, I started to see how she must have felt when she met me! I mean I didn't ask for her autograph or bow down to the pedestal I had built, so, perhaps I insulted her. I then went further within and created a reverse scenario that had Ice Queen walking up to me after she created her website similar to mine, and seeing myself turning my head the other way. Those same venomous emotions would have been lodged within me had we met AFTER she had created her website. But, sometimes God works in reverse and I can now see that. And, truthfully, I'm sure those emotions would have stayed inside had I not learned a lesson of the light: the power to forgive another human being. We are all bound to that which we have anger and lack of forgiveness towards. And, truthfully, I wasn't interested in being a slave to this feeling any longer!Why Ice Queen snubbed me that evening in London, I will never know. Why was her website in the beginning so similar to mine? Did she copy? Did she hate me? I have come to learn none of these answers are my business and are to be left between her and her God. My job is simply to move on, forgive, and bless her. That doesn't mean I want to be her BFF. It means that I am freed from the control that the scenario and Ice Queen had over my life, my work, and most importantly, my heart. What I have also come to learn after much inner work is that this person isn't really much of an Ice Queen after all. And, when you get to that level, then you are flying HIGH! How she acted was exactly what I needed to see in order to remove the ice from within myself and to remove the air, fairy, Hollywood star dust from my aura. Frankly, Ice Queen is a gorgeous, talented, feminine voice, and I'm sure has a heart of gold, as she is a mother. I just happened to meet her along my path to help me see myself clearly in the mirror, to help others see themselves too, and to move on in a loving and light way. That is the only revenge I care about! To bring your ice to a boiling point is the purpose of your life on Earth! And, when we are at that boiling part the heavens unleash within us beautiful things like more Heart Beets, Heart Knots, happiness, love, and life.
So, as the saying goes, the past is done. We live and learn. This test was big for me, but, finally, I can put this meeting with Ice Queen to rest. Thank you, Gwyneth, for playing the role of Ice Queen in the movie of my life. You acted perfectly and I now am able to see you as a Queen of Light, because you had the power to reveal to me more of my own hidden light. I will never forget, but I will always forgive. I'm sure we have more in common than just a love for making great websites! May many others learn from this powerful lesson. Peace.
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